Last week I had coffee with a friend. We talked about her life, how hard she had been knocked down in the recent past, and how challenging was her recovery. Since I had no idea what it was like to be her, I mostly listened and hopefully offered words of encouragement.
Everyone needs a support structure. This is the social network that extends a hand to help pull you up when you lose your job, your health, your significant other, your home, or anything. Sometimes I rely on other people for support and sometimes people rely on me to buoy them up. Rare is the relationship where this is an equal exchange but somehow it all works out. You give and receive from the system, not necessarily the individual. Being part of someone else’s support system actually reinforces you in a positive way, too.
As babies we are likely born into a support structure. As adults, we have to build our own supportive structures block by block. We need casual friends to encourage us and close friends to lend a listening ear. We need family to be there for us. Pets can be part of a support structure. We need financial supports so we can feed ourselves. There is value in work—something to do that is useful whether you are paid to do it or not. Activities that take you outside of yourself and are helpful to other people can be vital—a spiritual gathering, neighborhood party, volunteer organization, environmental group, or other. As we go through life, these supports change. Sometimes we lose a block or two and the structure has to be rebuilt.
- Everyone needs support
When a butterfly first emerges from its chrysalis, it is very vulnerable. The wings are still wet and it cannot fly. It is critical that the butterfly find something to hold onto that will support it so its wings can harden for flight. We must have something to hold onto like the butterfly out of the chrysalis. We need other people to remind us of our contributions to the lives of others and to help us see our current situation more clearly. With proper support, both humans and butterflies can fly.
©Rita Venable 2013